it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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