i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
