i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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