he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
