Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My cat gives me a boner
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
