i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
