I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
whose parrot is this?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
