my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
