In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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