ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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