So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
