I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
