Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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