Capitaan dildo arrescate!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize