i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize