He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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