Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
