I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
