I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
