He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
