He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
