go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
