I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
