If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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