I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
