Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
