Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
