found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize