you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
