Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
