Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
