dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
