i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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