I wish I could teleport
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
