I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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