Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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