This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
