i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize