Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
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