Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
