My first STD was from a foam party
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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