mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize