I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
