I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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