Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
