Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
