you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
