I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
