I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
