Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
