My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
