everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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