Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All the doctor said was why
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
