took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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