Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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