Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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