You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
