My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
