This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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