I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
