apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
