New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Shame - the story of my life.
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