I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
