I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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